Beer Drinking

Ok, I have to admit it; Czechs have raised beer to an art form. Like all art, some of it is shit. I mean it tastes like it was made from the water they washed the dog with. Knowing how they feel about their dogs, I could see how dog bathwater would be seen as the basis for some new kind of beer. Germans like to think of themselves as beer connoisseurs, sorry “mein freund” it is just not the case. Per capita Czechs, man, woman and child (believe it) drink almost half again as much beer as anyone else.

Until you see a pub with tens of supermodels slurping down pints and eating pretzels you just have not seen beer consumption at its finest. I am not kidding; sure lots of women drink beer in the USA. Given, that there are plenty of fine fillies down in West Texas that could put a hurtin’ on a keg or two. I will not say anything about skills like that, but I think few of these women weigh less than 160 pounds (75kg). If they did weigh this much you probably could not bounce a quarter off their butts. Just think in the USA three or four beers is considered binge drinking. In Czech, women consider three or four pints, “just warming up”.

I will say back home in Florida I was more than a small stick in the mud about the whole issue. I will even say that I looked down on others who partied a little bit too hard. However, all things being relative the Czech pubs have enlightened me. Sure, I prefer to stay outside far from the choking chain smoke of Petra cigarettes. Some great times are to be had sitting in a pub drinking beer with several Czech supermodels. I am glad many women in Czech are so strong. Not only in conviction, but it becomes important to choose wisely. She probably will need to be able to read the map and can help carry you home.

 Well, not really carry. Verča is strong, but carry is a bit of an exaggeration. She mostly leans up against me and sings as we walk through the park in Olmy or across Vaclavak or Staromak. More than a few times we have tipped back the fabled “tuplak” and tried to get home wobbling from one řízek stand to the next. If we drink enough we usually find our way home, occasionally we have to take the “Prague Gay Train”, but we get home.

I can not think of nearly as many important drinking related phrases in English as there are in Czech. The only way to describe what I am saing is by example. Here is a brief transcript of a good Wednesday night in Czech.

Ceské verze	English version
p1: “Ahoj, Kam jdeš dneska?”	p1: “Hey, Where are you off to tonight?”
p2: “Do hospody”	p2: “I am off to the pub.”
p1: “Mužu?”	p1: “Do you mind if I come?”
p2: “Určíte”	p2: “Sure, I can probably talk you into buying some beer.
{v hospodě}	{at the pub}
Sevírka: “Maté přane”	Waitress: “Can I get y’all something?”
p2: “Si dam dvanáctické, velke”	P2: “I would like a pint of 12 degree beer.”
P1: “Ano, decetku, malé”	P1: “Yes, a small 10 degree beer”
Sevírka: “Dobre.”	Waitress: “Great.”
P2: “Ješte jedno”	P2: “I’ll have another”
P1: “Jo, ja taky”	P1: “Yeah, me too.”
Sevírka: “Fajn. Půl a dětské”	Waitress: “ok. A pint and a kid’s beer.” Men should not order small beers at a pub, unless they are only going to be there for five minutes or it is lunch time.
<šest nebo sedm piv pozdejí>
P2: “Musím jet doma”	P2: “I have to get home.”
P1: “Jsem houbíček”	P1: “I am a mushroom.” to be a mushroom - Normally, means really drunk. Can not see or hear, so he is not sure if he is sitting in shit.
P2: “Paní. Chtelí byšme slivka dvakrat.”	P2: “Ma’am. We would like two shots of slivka.”        A funny joke, they have the same rhyme about beer before liquor.
čekaní>
P2: “Jak se maš? Myslím ze citiš jako hovno.”	P2: “Hey, how are you feeling? I think you look like shit.”
P1: “’No, myslím ze vytahnam sekeru.”	P1: “Yeah, I think that I will throw an axe.” To throw an axe – pretty obvious I think. Yeah, I know, thank god for the weapons check at most Czech pubs.
P2: “Paní, zaplatí!”	P2: “Ma’am, he is going to pay.” zaplatit – to pay. Normally, said to a service worker at the conclusion of service. Also means that his friend will have a bad morning.