Setting the Stage

Some of the first things I can remember about the Czech Republic are probably the most indicative of my time here. I found a place to live on the second day of trying. A bit painful but it was settled. There are many people in Czech fishing for ex-pats. The worst part is not the price difference it is that they do not follow basic business tenets that they would follow in their country. I will not say that they cheat or steal from you, but they do with impunity, because the Czech authorities are not known for their effectiveness or concern.

That is not to slur the police. The police are for the most part professional and pretty much do not bother you if you let them eat their pečivo, baked goods. The key to the Mětské Policie, city police, is not to appear to speak any Czech. If you do not they will hassle you for your passport. A wise choice in Prague is not to carry your passport, because you can not leave the country without it. You must comply with all police instructions. All you have to do is to tell them that they have to take you home to get it. However, they understand not about wasting time with something that is going to take them far from their beats. Mětské are great they can tell you in German, French or Czech where something is. Thankfully, they rarely speak English.

I lived in New Town, Nové Město, which compared to Old Town, Staré Město, was new, but I lived in a historic building which is short for “no services available.” Modern services are all available a block away. I lived on the historic block where the city of Prague sells movie companies space to shoot. It is a convenient place to shoot since there are tram rails and wide streets for their trucks and cameras. After living there for a while, I realized that historical means really long time between repairs.

When you really look around my old neighborhood, you see that there are lots of things going on. There are several restaurants, bars, three schools and many shops only a short walk from my door. A block away is a 400yo convent and at least three internet sex companies, a meat-market bar-dance club and two brothels. Just in case you can not talk someone into coming home with you at the bar. There are always friendly girls a little farther down the street. Yeah, my shop neighbor hood had ultra-convenient one-stop shopping for poon’tang. On Saturday night, there were more than a few places to “sew your wild oats.”  My neighborhood had an end-to-end solution, however unsavory the final state may be. If your Saturday night is good enough and you wake up praying for crop failure. By Monday morning, then there is a place to seek salvation or a new name and a job as a friar.

Rarely is a stack of old rocks and wood that makes the memories. I realized that  I was not in Florida, when I noticed something moving in the shadows against the wall of the local meat market. As I approached I saw that it was a pair “coupling”, for lack of a better term, against the wall. Trying to retain a modicum of American dignity, I tried ineffectively not to watch. After a moment or two,  there I was gawking from 15ft (4.5m) away. Making eye-contact with her shook me from my malaise. Unphased, they continued against the wall, her bare thigh in his right hand her arms under his shoulders. I became self-conscious when she blew me a kiss. So I walked into the club.

Later, she returned to the club sans her friend. When I made eye-contact again with her, I saw I was in over my head. I will not say she was a pro, because that is not nice. I will say that everything I knew about the way the world worked was being rewritten as I stood there. After a few minutes speaking to her she was certainly someone new to “talk to” and maybe she could “show me around town.” Needless to say, the first week in Prague set the stage for many new experiences. None of which happen to most of anyone I have ever heard of in America. Unless you think the stories in the skin rags are true.