American Church Football League

When I moved to the Czech Republic, Petra was one of the first people who called me back and offered some assistance. She did not know Prague, but at least she could speak Czech and smell a rat. I remember after buying a cell phone, which was a necessity. Coin-operated phones are comical in the Czech Republic, and my first flat only had one land-line for the whole building. A word to the wise about the coin-operated pay phones, they are rarer than their card equivalents and usually have been “mickeyed” to steal the coins anyway. Having fallen victim to the phone goblins several times, at least consider other options when you need to make a call.

In Prague and Brno, coin-operated pay phones are relatively common. Just like anything else they are hard to find when you need one. Pay phones in Czech are marked in yellow and green and usually operated by Český Telecom. They come in two flavors coin and card. People without cell phones prefer the card ones because they are less likely to lose the cash to the evil phone goblins. The phones function pretty well, no better or worse than American gas station phones. Be careful though, many tricks abound on how to catch the coins that are returned. Coins jamming the hole, to wads of paper or scotch tape are all common techniques to steal the coins from unwary visitors. It is just the way it is. When it happens to you, it adds insult to injury because you were in a rush and or needed to make the call. It is bad enough that your call was not completed and when you least expect it, you do not get your change back. Argh!

When I got to Brno, I received a text message that Petulka would be there soon. She was at to the wrong bus station. Which was probably my mistake since I thought there was only one? Not to mention that I had no idea where I was when the bus stopped this time. Petra arrived shortly after her sms, and she looked great. Her hair had just been done and she was fashionably dressed. Czech girls are always fashionable. So much so that it leads me to believe that there must be some serious gossip between them when someone shows up under-dressed.

I remember that we went for Chinese at the “Dragon Bistro”. The Dragon Bistros are a successful chain in downtown Brno. Lunch was so much fun, just being together and catching up. Petra is a great conversationalist even if we often have “dictionary dates.” For the unacquainted, dictionary dates are when a dictionary is on the table most of the time, because it is “just easier”.  She wanted to take me to something special.

When she said it was a football game, I figured I was in for soccer Czech-style. Arriving at the field was only part of the fun. Petulko led me on a route ducking through fences and between buildings; I thought we were going to some sort of “pirate rules kickball game.” What I saw were 22 guys in shoulder pads duking it out on the grid-iron. The game was High school football at its best. It was more popular than the XFL at least, and they were not bad players. We watched more than half of it in the wind swept stadium. It was not a popular sport in Czech, but there were ten or twelve teams in each group that were normally organized around international schools or churches.

The game was complete with referees, hand signals and cheerleaders. It was not surprising the cheerleaders were gorgeous, but were more side-line dancers than American-style cheerleaders. They were fun to watch and certainly would give you something to work for if the stadium was a bit empty. We were a bit under-dressed for the late Fall weather and it was a bit chilly so we decided to go shopping for jackets in the warm mall.

We took the trams back across town to go shopping for a jacket. I was concerned at the time that I would not have enough things to keep warm during the winter. I was ready for the worst a Florida winter could throw at me, which was certainly warmer than snow and would only be cold enough for frosty grass a few mornings during the whole year. Petra and I went window shopping in several places around Brno. The new collections were not available, so I did not buy a new jacket. However, Petra found a new pair of pants. Her new stretch pants made her butt look great, I will give her that. Shopping with her is a lot of fun, even if she is a typical girl with no ability to make a decision. That afternoon Petulka showed me a million new things.  Important things like how to save cash at McDonald’s. You can save money at McDonald’s? Sure you can, there are several things in Czech McDonald’s that are not reported on the menu that are actually there. Like the McFry, which is a hot ham and cheese sandwich and a desert which I can not remember the name for but it was just 10 czk and quite yummy. Petra also introduced me to palačinky. A palačinka is the Czech take on a crepe. Her smile was classic when she demonstrated for me how extra marmelajda is essential. Just like our first date, we ended up at the movies.

I know we saw “Ukrýt” the first time, and on the second was “Scorpion King”. I had seen recently in America, but it was still fun, because Czech theaters are modern, and there is a constant discussion with her during the movie about how “interesting” the titulký, subtitles are. Petra probably is one of the few women I met in Czech who actually spoke English nearly fluently. She needed help from time to time, but normally she could keep up at full-speed. Other girls might just be shy. Usually the girls understand the English, so make sure you are ready for a reaction to your comments especially in Prague.

Petra put me up in a friend’s townhouse. Petra and I spent half of the night walking Buddy. Buddy is Petra’s friend’s dog that was rescued from the “bad American” students. Petra seemed quite upset that someone had neutered him. Which I saw as normal, but she thought was a horrible thing to do to a dog. There are a lot of full-strength dogs in Czech, but rarely any strays. I wonder what they do with the puppies when fido decides to sew his wild oats in the neighbor’s yard. Knowing how they love their dogs, it might not be a problem to open your house to another furry friend. Sometimes I bet Honza might also have to go next door to see a man about a dog too.

Bookstore Girls are Easy

I was looking for a Czech cookbook and some presents when I walked into Novotný and Barovíč. N&B is a historical bookstore in downtown Brno. I know well that being on vacation for a month is grounds for presents. When the security guard at the door said something to me and I replied in English, “Thanks, but I do not understand.” The powers that be pushed Petra and I together.

I could not have walked a whole six feet (1.9m) from the Špilberk-side door to the maps and travel bookshelf, a cute girl with black hair cut in a bob and a great smile walked over to me. She looked at me and said something in Czech, but I had no idea what she said. I probably tried to say something back to her, but then she said, “Do you have a wish?” 

That is the kind of statement that dreams are made of, for sure it was an exact translation of something. It was cute and I did appreciate her trying. I gave her the Miss Universe reply, “World Peace and my two front teeth. That would be nice.” However, my humor was lost in translation.

“How you want.” Somehow that felt a bit cold, I am sure she did not mean it. She was probably self-conscious because she did not understand my response. Feeling a bit bad, I looked over to her.

”Miss, I am looking for a traditional Czech cookbook to take back to America. That way we can try and make some of the things that I saw over here.”

“You like Czech food?”

“Sure why not? It is good home-style cooking, not too fancy and not just boiled.”

“You think so? What is your favorite?”

“Uh-oh”, I thought. Never lie when you have not had a chance to plan the conversation better. I went with the easy out, “I am not sure what it is called.”

“Really, I would help you find a book with a rezept for it, if you give me more information.”

“Something with some good pictures and the recipes would be great. I will forget how to say the name anyway.” She walked me over to the foreign language section, and we started thumbing through cookbooks. I have an unfortunate habit of not asking a cute girl’s name who seems more than casually interested.

I was just about to ask her, when I heard “Are you Christian?” Ok, that set me back on my heels a bit. Why does that matter, and why would she ask me that? “I just asked because the American people that I have met are all Christians and they come on pilgrimages.”

“Really? No, I am not Christian. Where do you go in the Czech Republic on Christian pilgrimages?”

”We have lots of old churches; even our money has a saint on it.” Ok, I admit it, I am intrigued.

“I am Adam; may I ask your name?”

“Oh. Hi. I am Petra. Why do you want to know my name?”

“Why did you want to know if I am Christian? Where I am from that is a bit of a personal question.”

“Is it a problem for you? I thought this was normal for USA people. Many times the Americans who I meet, usually tell me very fast that they are Christian. I thought it was important to American people.”

“How about this, can we discuss it all over lunch?”

“I do not know, I am very busy.” she replied.

“Ouch strike out.” I thought.

“Maybe I will have time after school. How will I find you?”

“Well I am staying over at Hotel Slavia, but I could call you from a pay phone or something.”

“Oh, you want me number?”

“Yeah, how else would I find you, since I have no phone? Just showing up at the hotel does not mean I will be there.”

“Ok, how about I go to the hotel after I go to fitness and we can do something tonight?”

“Great”

“So tonight, I will come to you and we will be have fun.”

“Sure. It will be great.” I know I was pretty thrilled with the whole thing. Honestly, I was more psyched about not having to eat another Crocodile today. Thanks to the other members of my Czech support team I did not starve in three weeks in Brno. Lucie had told me about Crocodile sandwiches. She certainly saved me on that one. Imagine how humble you have to be to ask someone for help with this. I did have a lot of trouble by myself down there. Brno has many shops and things, but they rarely speak any English and my German did not feel up to par with ordering things in dekagrams.

The rest was history. She took me to a music club with a great view of downtown Brno and Špilberk. There was a great deck on the sixth floor. In Czech-style we were drinking fruit juice and flicking bottle caps off into the square. It is a lot of fun with her just hanging out. Pity she is Christian. I think that it means something different in Brno, Czech than it does in Macon, Georgia.

Petulka

I liked Petra. She is a funny and kind girl. She was always thinking about the Czech equivalent to the get rich quick scheme. Her schemes usually revolved around dodging as much work as humanly possible. If it works for her, why talk about changing it. I actually saw her once after moving to Czech. A common observation amongst ex-pats; is that after you rent a flat in town once they move to Czech that all of the people they knew before disappear. I have observed this as well, Petra did not do this exactly. I was invited to Brno and met all of her friends. We stayed in touch for a while via email and occasional calls. Then her latest idea struck and she moved to the U.K. Some factory sales job where she was going to be a manager. A supervisory position was right up her alley and she jumped on it. This time I hope that she learned that if it is too good to be true, it probably is. I hope that I see her again before I leave Czech. Just in case, I do not here are my favorite memories of her.